Short lessons my Uncle Luis taught me.

 

Life:

Life is hard.

Life is harder when you're stupid.

 

Time:

Time flies like a bird. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

Music:

Jazz washes away the dust of everyday living.

 

Truth:

All the ultimate truths are to be found in science fiction.

 

High School Chemistry Lab:

Hot glass looks exactly the same as cool glass.

 

Politics:

I looked up the word "politics" on the Internet and found out it is a compound word, made up of two other words. The first part comes from "poly," which means many, or a lot of. The second part is from "ticks," which means blood suckers.

 

Basketball:

Why was Cinderella such a lousy basketball player?

Because her coach was a pumpkin.

 

Life (continued):

Life is too important to be taken seriously.

 

Math:

A pun is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

 

Lawyers:

How come you never see lawyers sunbathing on the beach?

The neighborhood cats keep trying to bury them.

 

Power:

When you get to thinking you're a man of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

 

Violence:

Violence is the last resort of a weak mind.

 

Life (continued):

Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

 

Emotions:

Love and hate are two horns on the same goat.

 

Lottery:

Your odds of winning the lottery are the same, whether you buy a ticket or not.

 

Tools:

When your only tool is a hammer, all your problems start to look like nails.

 

Knowledge:

People who think they know everything are an annoyance for those of us who do.

 

Pain:

Pain is instructive.

 

Talk vs. Action:

When all is said and done, more has been said than done.

 

Birthdays:

I'd rather be 40 than pregnant.

 

Employee Evaluations:

If you want loyalty, get a dog. Employees work for money.

 

The Second Law of Thermodynamics:

If you want to clean something, you must make something else dirty.

There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch (TANSTAAFL)

 

Responsibility

The world will continue to turn without your hand on the crank.

 

Last Updated ( Tuesday, 28 August 2012 14:29 )