Short lessons my Uncle Luis taught me.



Life is hard.

Life is harder when you're stupid.



Time flies like a bird. Fruit flies like a banana.



Jazz washes away the dust of everyday living.



All the ultimate truths are to be found in science fiction.


High School Chemistry Lab:

Hot glass looks exactly the same as cool glass.



I looked up the word "politics" on the Internet and found out it is a compound word, made up of two other words. The first part comes from "poly," which means many, or a lot of. The second part is from "ticks," which means blood suckers.



Why was Cinderella such a lousy basketball player?

Because her coach was a pumpkin.


Life (continued):

Life is too important to be taken seriously.



A pun is the shortest distance between two straight lines.



How come you never see lawyers sunbathing on the beach?

The neighborhood cats keep trying to bury them.



When you get to thinking you're a man of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.



Violence is the last resort of a weak mind.


Life (continued):

Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.



Love and hate are two horns on the same goat.



Your odds of winning the lottery are the same, whether you buy a ticket or not.



When your only tool is a hammer, all your problems start to look like nails.



People who think they know everything are an annoyance for those of us who do.



Pain is instructive.


Talk vs. Action:

When all is said and done, more has been said than done.



I'd rather be 40 than pregnant.


Employee Evaluations:

If you want loyalty, get a dog. Employees work for money.


The Second Law of Thermodynamics:

If you want to clean something, you must make something else dirty.

There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch (TANSTAAFL)



The world will continue to turn without your hand on the crank.


Last Updated ( Tuesday, 28 August 2012 14:29 )